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Security Level Raised to Orange: Imminent Labor Ahead

By Andy on 4 July 2003 the wee hours
Category: The Boys Following a review of intelligence and an assessment of threats by the intelligence community, the Department of the Knight Homeland Security has announced this morning that the labor threat level has been uprgraded to Orange. That means there is an imminent risk of Tiffany going into labor. Any moment now, I will hear a scream or get a call from Tiffany, "Ohmagosh, I'm going into labor." This call could come while I am sleeping peacefully at 2:00 AM. It could come while I am at work responding to an email. It could come while I am out mowing the lawn. It could come while I am playing basketball with the guys. Who knows? The Department of the Knight Homeland Security, in conjunction with numerous departments of the Knight government has begun implementing increased protective measures under a comprehensive national plan to protect the Homeland from being hit by surprise attacks coming from within the womb of Mrs. Knight. The following specific measures have been taken:

» Plastic lining has been spread over the mattress in the event that her water breaks.

» The house is meticulously cleaned each day in order for a sudden surprise attack.

» 173 separate checklists have been created so that no details are overlooked during the ensuing panic.

» The batteries of all cell phones and cameras are being charged each day.

» Every inch of the 1.4 mile route from the house to the hospital is being scrutinized looking for the quickest route with the least amount of speed bumps.

» Parents and grandparents have been placed on alert status.

» The car seat has been installed to ensure minimal delay when leaving the hospital.

These heightened security measures will help deter the force of a surprise contraction and increase protection of the Knight homeland. In the meantime, as on the other occasions when the threat level has been increased, we encourage members of the Knight family to continue their daily work, family and leisure activities with a heightened awareness.

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